Thursday, 22 November 2007

I Actually Like Medicine!

Yes ladies, gentlemen and others, I actually want to be a Doctor and I'm really looking forward to it. Just about every medical student, goes through periods when then think 'is this really for me?' and i've had my fair share of feeling like that but:....

I've not been this excited about medicine for....well, ever really. Sure when I first started clinicals the first week on the wards were exciting and interesting but following that I fell into sort of a hole whereby I just went along with the flow. I found the work mildly interesting but I wasn't really inspired by it. If I'm totally honest I drifted through most of 3rd and 4th year. I learnt things along the way and really enjoyed parts of it but I never really felt truly involved. I wasn't the first, and I won't be the last person who doesn't really put themselves forward for things. I mean yeah, I was always ready to try and answer questions when others would just stand silently staring off into space but when it comes to being keen or having to actively ask to do or be shown something I just tended to drift into the background. I know this isn't the way to do things, or a good way of learning things and I've always advised others to put themselves forward.

I think perhaps things started to change during my elective, for the first time ever I felt almost useful, like I could really help and make a difference. I liked the atmosphere, I enjoyed learning and I was interested in medicine. On my return I went back into somewhat of a lull, back to my old ways of coasting if you like. Perhaps this is because I was on somewhat of a come-down following the amazing experience of my elective.

I've never enjoyed a week of medicine as much as I've enjoyed this week, I've not done anything particularly special, or seen anything wildly exciting but for the first time in a long time I'm excited, I'm enthused, I'm eager to learn. Very rarely have I come away at the end of the day with the intention of reading up on something I've seen or learnt about, even less so have I followed through on that intention but now I feel like I want to, I'm inspired to. I think I'm behind some of my peers with regards to being involved, some of them have probably been at it since 3rd year. But I don't care, for me, its important that I've finally seen what medicine is really like and that I can see myself doing it, and doing it well. Perhaps its because its 5th year and that things are starting to come together and make sense (still very slowly but still, its progress!), I know what tests patient x needs and why, I no longer feel useless or in the way (although I still probably am) I enjoy helping the house officer out with jobs. I can pin-point one reason which might be contributing to my new found love of medicine - the one-on-one style of 5th year. I have a whole team to myself, there is nobody else to get in the way/compete with/hide behind. Not only do I learn a lot from one-on-one teaching, I find the whole experience much more beneficial, I'm more confident and much more willing to do things. Today, when I had my own patients in clinic I felt like a doctor, I was making taking complete histories, doing full examinations, making diagnoses, coming up with management plans all the things doctors do and I loved it. Ok, so they were not the most taxing of problems but for me, it made me realise that I really do like this medicine malarkey, I really do want to be a doctor, and I really can't wait...

This post is FAR too positive for me, so it should also be noted that I still hate the course and PBL. Perhaps I wouldn't have been so slow in finding my path if I had gone elsewhere, but not to worry, better late than never eh?

The Little Doctor, coming to a ward near you, and excited about it! (if I pass finals EEEK!)

9 comments:

Xavier Emmanuelle said...

YAYYYY!!! Congratulations LM!

Harry said...

Oh no LM, it's a slippery slope and before you know it you'll be the PBL facilitator for the first years!

Glad you're enjoying it (and feeling useful). I am yet to feel remotely useful, and yet to learn any 'real' medicine.

dr_dyb said...

I had that feeling on elective, but once back in the great PBL tumble drier it evaporated........I look forward to reaching the stage you are at now where I get my mojo/'get up and go' back.

fh said...

I love everything about medicine, but I can't wait to have the feeling you describe. The feeling of being useful and not in the way (or under foot lol) :D Kudos doc! BTW, may I ask what specialty you are looking into?

Elaine said...

0I think you are right about your elective kicking this feeling off, and also the fact that you are now with a medical team rather than a surgical one. Here you can actually be useful, where surgical must have involved rather more hanging round relatively speaking.

Best of luck with the rest of the course. It won't take long for a year (and less than that now!) to pass. Head down now and get stuckk in for the finals. Good luck.

Ms-Ellisa said...

Yep, it was the elective. Probably the lack of equipment and other stuff just showed you what really medicine is about "and all that jazz"... :-D

Well, in Greece there's a saying that goes somewhat like "better later, than never at all"- so the important thing is that you feel good about medicine, and not that it's in your senior year- after all maybe those two years of previously drifting and all was what was needed.

PhD scientist said...

Good grief... vocation discovered.
V. pleased for you, LM.

And in about nine months - no time at all, really -you'll be on the case for real.

Hope it makes your other, er, colleagues easier to tune out where necessary for the remainder of your med school time.

ditzydoctor said...

yeyy TLM (soon to be TLD!) that's great!

may you find your way :D and keep your chin up! soon you'll be an old, wise prof teaching humble young students and inspiring them along their paths too! ;)

the little medic said...

ditzydoctor - yeh no probs I'll try sending you one now. If it doesn't work drop me an email